Have you ever felt ‘lost’ in your relationship? Like your individuality has kind of gone missing?
Love is a beautiful thing but even in the closest of relationships I cannot stress how important it is to be secure about yourself and what you believe in.
AKA be independent.
4 LESSONS LEARNT
1. TIME APART IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS TIME TOGETHER
I used to be in a relationship where we would pride ourselves in not spending a night apart. Everything we did, we did together. Sounds cute right? Wrong. This need to be together all the time, this need for constant attention and love, that stems from insecurity. Insecurity of oneself, insecurity of our partner and insecurity about the viability of our relationship. Finding a balance between time together, time alone and time with your friends is such a powerful component of any relationship especially your romantic one!
2. NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE SHARED
I am a strong believer in being honest and I’m also a strong believer in having your own identity. Just because you’re in love, engaged or married doesn’t mean you have to close down your bank account and only have joint passwords. I learnt this the hard way. It’s wayyyy more important to share things like values, interests and memories. Share some things but also keep some things separate.
3. RELATIONSHIPS WON’T LAST IF YOUR IN IT FOR THE WRONG REASONS
In my opinion the bones of a long-lasting, solid relationship comes down to two independent people falling in love. There’s no neediness, no insecurity and no expectations. Just two people in love choosing to be together for all the right reasons. If you’re with someone out of fear of being alone or your settling because you don’t feel like you deserve better, the same issues will keep showing up until you learn the lesson. Having a partner is a gift not a necessity and when you lose the insecurity and show up independently with no fear of being alone, all the focus shifts towards what really matters; creating happiness and love.
4. SELF-LOVE IS VITAL
It’s difficult for a relationship to flourish if the one you have with yourself isn’t exactly thriving. I’ve been in the position where I didn’t really love myself and depended on that love from someone else. What happened was I got walked all over. I got mistreated and disrespected. Self-love enhances a relationship. It enhances you. It brings positive energy into a shared space. It’s so important to see yourself as the worthy person you are. To value yourself and respect yourself. Don’t underestimate the power of self-love because how you treat yourself will set the standard for how others treat you also.